Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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