If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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