how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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