I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
