Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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