I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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