Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
