i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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