I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
