If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
