This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
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Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
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it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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