So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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