Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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