CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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