my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
