Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We left an ass print on the piano.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
