I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
