So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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