Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
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