I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
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She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
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I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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