I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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