Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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