there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
