I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
