I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
