do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My pussy is not your playground.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sorry about my life...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
