I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
