you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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