i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
