Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
