My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
