hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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