Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
