I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
