about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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