I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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