I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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