alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
