Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?