I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
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Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
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Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.