I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
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I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
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Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him