Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped