he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.