I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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