Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize