She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
