She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
