The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
