you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Let's paint friendship bongs
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
