i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize