so explain again why im purple
no
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
