My liver just broke up with me...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
