even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
