Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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