id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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