i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
