i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
