I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We need to feng shui this bitch.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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