I think my vagina is haunted
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
