made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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